I know it was the right decision, but it was still really hard to make. I decided to give up my teaching job.
It breaks my heart: those two hours I spent at the pool four days a week were some of the happiest of my summer. But it was getting to be a big burden to have that all time earmarked for that one activity. It didn't leave a lot of time or energy left over to take care of all the other things I need to do this summer, and it required me to have the time management skills of an automaton – being out the door every day precisely on time to get to work at my clerkship so that I could leave on time to get to the pool. I kept it up pretty well for about four weeks, but it was becoming pretty clear that I needed more of my time back. Or at least more flexibility in my schedule.
But I did go out swinging: Monday and Tuesday were my last lessons, the first days of a new class session, and every day of my 14 years of experience was brought to bear. The first days of a new session tend to be a little chaotic, as we test all the kids to figure out what classes they should be in. The first class was pretty straight forward – just a few 3-5 year olds – but the second class, due to an ill teacher, had nine uber-kinetic kids. Somehow I had to get them tested, divided, and then engaged in a learning activity. So I did. Then for the next class there also ended up being seven kids. I tested and divided them as well. One of the fathers noted that I looked really confident despite the chaos. "You didn't have that look of panic I might have expected," he said. And it's true: I didn't. There was nothing about the last couple of days that I haven't dealt with at some point in previous years.
It's a funny thing, teaching swimming lessons. When I'm not doing it, it seems very abstract. It's hard for me to describe how to do it, or even recognize that I can do it, as I'm not usually in contact with that talent. But put me in the pool and I know exactly what to do. There's a piece of my personality, energetic and effervescent, that's never present in any other situation, yet automatically comes out when I'm in the water with the kids. I love tapping into it. I love being in touch with that part, and being reminded that it's part of me too. And I love that feeling of complete confidence I get when I'm doing something that I've done for nearly half my life. That confidence is the complete absence of fear that the situation will overwhelm me, since I have no doubt that I can overcome whatever's thrown at me. It's a wonderful feeling, and one I want to come to have with me in all the other things I go do.