I am very frustrated with my complete lack of German skills. Even when I first moved to France I had the basics to work with. But here, almost nothing.
That said, I'm learning it as fast as I can. I take 3 hours of German at the law school a week; next week I'll take (I think) another 3 hours at the Colon Institute; I read a chapter of my textbook every night (actually I read it two times: the first to see what it's talking about and the second, the next day, to review and learn what I didn't catch the first time); and my friend sends me how-to-speak-German tidbits every so often in emails.
What I'm not really doing is having conversations with people, though. Even the most simple questions – if I can manage them – get answered in English. And the complicated ones I can't even attempt. All the German students in the law school are happy to speak English; my German friends are happy to speak English; my other friends are happy to speak English; and my classes are all in English. (My blog is all in English!) So my English is great! But my German suffers. It's just so hard, though, to try to speak with what I do have, because I have so little.
On the other hand, I've come to the realization that my French is also terrific! Most conversations I attempt (and fail) in German could be done in French. Now, my French may not be perfect – I don't know if I say things the right way – but I can be understood in most instances. Plus I have the vocabulary to at least get started in most instances, and the ability to learn the rest of what the circumstance calls for at the time. I also – and this is what I think is amazing – have the ability to start speaking French instinctively. Being in Germany has really reminded me of that, because during the times when I'm determined not to speak English, I succeed – because I speak French instead. Fluidly, automatically, contextually.
In a way, I feel good about that. I really like being able to speak another language. It gives me this magical feeling of empowerment like nothing else. I do, actually, want to practice the French here. There may be a conversation group I can join, and there are some Quebecoises students who are very happy to speak French with me. (In fact, one said that my French was better than her English.) I don't want to lose this hard-won skill.
But this isn't a French-speaking country, and my lack of German is tremendously disempowering. I shouldn't have needed my friend to fix my cell phone for me. I shouldn't have to walk around being essentially a deaf mute, unable to participate in the world around me unless it's on my terms. I want to participate on their terms! That's what I'm here for! I want to BE here, not observing Germany from the sidelines, but really BEING here as much as I can be, to live the local life as much as possible in four months.
I just bought a dictionary, which I'm very tempted to read cover to cover. I need to start participating in the world around me – so it's time to start collecting the tools.