What's the bottom line? Well, I do feel surprisingly down surprisingly often, but I also recognize that there are a lot of good things about my situation. I imagine I'll oscillate for a while, kind of like one's perspective does when looking at an optical illusion. You know, like the one where it's hard to tell if you're looking at a set of candlesticks or facial profiles, or the one where you can simultaneously see a picture of both a young woman and an old one. Every second your perspective might shift from one to the other, because both views are equally present and valid.
That's kind of where I am right now. Sometimes I see the donut, sometimes I see the hole. Of course I'm working on my donut-noticing skills because I don't think it serves my interests to be too negative. Who will believe in you if you always fixate on your inadequacies? But to be fair, it is a weird time. Transitional periods are always tough, and there's no sense beating myself up for beating myself up about it… I've got a lot to do, and I'll do as much as I can as well as I can. I've got a workable plan, and if I can improve upon it that will just be gravy (or icing, if we want to continue with the pastry metaphor).
So I imagine I'll go back and forth in the next couple of months between crankiness and confident fortitude. And all of which will be true, if not also apparently paradoxical. I suspect, however, I'm not the only law graduate in this emotional boat. Even those who have jobs and somewhat more clear futures are likely experiencing growing pains. Plus law school has this annoying way of making the grass always seem greener in someone else's yard, so no matter how awesomely set someone's life seems to be, there will always be some emotional ambiguity as one consciously chooses to foreclose some options and set forth on a new path.