You may notice that the preceding post has a much earlier date stamp than it actually appeared on the blog. This is because after writing it, I decided to think about it for a while before posting. And then I didn't, because I've been busy...
I recognize though that I've also been unusually self-conscious about my posts lately. This is largely because, between Blawg Roundtables, job hunting, and the like, I'm acutely aware that people are actually looking at my blog. This is a good thing, but I find myself preoccupied with the particular snapshot of posts that will appear on the front page. A series of silly, cheesy posts might be fine in the course of the lifespan on the blog, but if I have, say, three of them sitting right at the top when Big Important Hiring Partner comes by to read the blog, he might get the impression that I am a silly, cheesy person. Of course, query whether that impression would actually be wrong...
More consequentially, however, I find myself holding back more on the serious posts. I feel like it's much more important to get them right and not be sloppy with logic or language. Which is not to say that I've done a bad job with it in the past. There are some posts I would like to undo, but really only a handful in what is more than 1000(!) posts. So it's not really self-consciousness that's holding me back, per se, but more an issue of time. I'm not getting the right kinds of periods of time where I can still the swirl of the rest of life and make sure I can form these posts right. I can usually tell, when I'm writing, when they're not quite on the mark, but I'm not always able, in the time window available, to navigate my way to the perfect solution of how they need to be.
The result is a lot of interesting ideas that end up evaporating because I'm not able to properly capture them at the moment of inspiration, which makes me sad. Also, the posting that I do manage to do is coming out uneven, with days of silence followed by another day of a dozen posts. This kind of situation has happened before - in fact, I think I've probably written similar posts to this one on several occasions before - so long-time readers may be accustomed to the ebb and flow of my posting, but I wanted to specifically address it for people who are new here and perhaps worried that I'm not taking my blogging seriously. I know that when I check out a new site that doesn't have a lot of activity I often leave it and don't come back, so I just wanted to say something lest any new readers be inclined to do the same thing here.